Tips on how to Become Stronger Through your Divorce!

Divorce is one of the most stressful things a person can experience. Having traveled that path myself, I remember having two road signs ahead of me. FALL APART, or BECOME STRONGER.

Most people get married thinking they will live happily ever after, at least that is what I thought when I started my life with my ex-husband. Little did I know that happily ever after would end very soon and turn into a roller coaster of painful life lessons.

The next thing I knew I was facing a cross road, with all the stress that the divorce brought I was faced with making a choice, falling apart or getting stronger.

It was a journey that took a lot of work and commitment, but I chose becoming stronger.

Here are some suggestions on how you can take the challenges that come with divorce and turn them into your strong points:

  1. You will learn to follow and listen to your heart. I remember being torn inside not knowing what the right decision for me and my child is.  To get to the point of actually making the decision can be very difficult. However, if you are true to yourself and you get in touch with your inner best self you will figure out what is best for you and your children and it will make you stronger.  After trying for years to salvage my marriage and going to therapy, I knew that I would never be happy and that I would end up raising my daughter in a really toxic environment.  Making the decision that this is not the example I would set for her surely made me stronger and helped me define what I would want and need a future relationship.

 

  1. You can learn to become more independent. After being married for a while usually each spouse takes on a role in the family; for example one is more involved with childcare while the other manages the bills or other financial responsibilities.  In my case, I was a housewife taking care of our baby and running our home. After the divorce, I had to learn to do everything on my own, including finding ways of supporting myself. If you weren’t working and need to go out into the working world to support yourself and your children, you will have to learn to be creative and find solutions you would have never thought of before including taking care of your children and household.  Being thrown into this situation will bring out survival skills you never knew you had.Necessity is the mother of all inventions.

 

  1. You will learn how to prioritize. When you are faced with having to do everything on your own and juggle your children, work, the household and so much more you learn to prioritize in ways you never have before. Perhaps you will not manage to push in that load of laundry you wanted to because you wanted to make sure you are there for your daughter’s recital, or any other important moment. Being in this situation will give a new meaning to what life priorities should be and how to navigate your life around it.

 

  1. You will learn to become more economical. When I was married I really didn’t manage our finances or pay any bills, so I really didn’t know what we were spending on anything.  I never really thought about how much our groceries cost or anything else for that matter. Then I was faced with having to budget life and had to start asking myself all these questions. How much am I spending for car fare? How much am I spending for food? Movies, vacations and so on. You will learn to find ways to manage your finances by budgeting yourself, so you can go and take that vacation you want to with your children during spring break. You will be a lot more disciplined and structured and you will actually learn to value this new trait.

 

  1. You will learn who your real friends are. This one came the hard and painful way. I have to say I am grateful that I learned the truth when I did, because if I wouldn’t have I would have been in the dark for life and kept on giving of myself to the wrong people. Some of my so called “friends” turned their back and me and started taking sides. Initially I was shocked and hurt, but as time went on I learned to be grateful for having learnt the truth.  It set me free of myself and of people who were deep down toxic.  This is a painful point that I hear from most of my clients.  We all take it hard when our so called “friends” turn their backs on us, but the lessons we can learn from it are deeply valuable, and I always motivate my clients to see it from this perspective. Your true friends will stand by you in challenging times, and those who won’t aren’t real friends. Aren’t you kind of glad that you found out the truth. Better later than never.

 

  1. You gain insight to self-help and growth. Although I had been in marriage counseling during my marriage, I didn’t gain a 10th of what I gained after seeking more therapy post divorce.  Going to therapy is the best gift you can give yourself and your children. The truth is you don’t need to get divorced to give yourself or your children this gift, but many people are under the misconception that therapy is for people who have “issues” or aren’t “normal.  The reality is that it’s the furthest thing from the truth. Therapy is the best tool to help you become the best person you can be, to help you get in touch with your inner self, guide and teach you skills that will turn you into a successful happy balanced human being. Most people who have never explored therapy really miss out on truly knowing themselves and gaining depth and knowledge about life, people and relationships.

 

  1. You will learn that you can go through the most difficult things in life and come out on the other side, not only standing but STANDING STRONG AND TALL! When I first got divorced I felt like a reflection of my former self. When I first got married I was this optimistic idealistic girl that was filled with dreams for the future and positive aspirations.  However, the challenges in our marriage chipped away at my inside bit by bit, and by the time I was out of the marriage, I didn’t know how I would possibly move on and make it.  But then we have this inner survival mechanism that kicks in and somehow we get back up and survive. But we don’t just survive, we actually thrive and can turn our lives into successes.  After having learned that I was able to get through the hardest chapter of my life “divorce”, I kind of knew that I have it in me to get through pretty much anything.  Yes, I have had many challenges come my way, but I always tapped back into that reserve energy knowing that I had come a long way and made it stronger and taller, and that gave me the courage to keep going.

 

Here is a bonus gift for you, don’t forget to download your free guide on how to avoid the top 10 mistakes you want to avoid during your divorce. http://Divorcehelp1.gr8.com

If you’re looking for support, sign up for a PRIVATE (and free) consultation to talk about your journey and we’ll discuss if coaching is the right step for you

 

 

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