It was a long time ago….. I was eighteen, I can remember sitting for the first time in a therapist office with my parents. My parents are real old school and totally don’t believe in the therapeutic approach, so looking back I realize that that encounter was miraculous. (Perhaps it was the foundation on which my healing journey began).
I remember the therapist ask my father if he loved me. He was enraged and thought the question was futile and silly. He didn’t want to answer it. But the therapist kept pushing (I think she figured out who my father was), and he finally responded: “Of course I love her, what kind of stupid question is that?”. She then proceeded: “do you ever tell her?”, he replied, “she knows I do, there is no need for that”.
As I am sure you can imagine, I craved to hear those three simple words “I love you” throughout my childhood. I desperately wanted to know that he loved me, but it was something that was hard for him to do (or say), and I think that in that session it was one of the very few times I heard him say something loving and kind.
Words are very powerful, VERY, and at times we don’t realize how much impact they have. They can break you or make you.
If you were raised in a home where children where meant to be seen and not heard, you may have lacked the basics in emotional self confidence development. If you were raised by parents who didn’t know how to be expressive or lacked healthy communication skills you might find yourself struggling in some ways.
For some it’s a lack of positive loving words, for some it’s the constant criticism and negative feedback, and for some it’s both or worse.
There are so many ways in which a low self esteem can impact our lives that it sometimes frightens me. Being a parent myself today I know what my words can do, and I am careful to use them wisely and mindfully.
Here are some of the ways your life may be impacted if you are struggling with a low self esteem:
- Overdoing things: You are struggling with feelings of I am not good enough and push yourself to your limits just, so you can prove yourself. This approach will leave you depleted of energy, and ultimately not give you that sense of self-acceptance you are yearning for.
- Anxiety and Stress: You often feel anxious or stressed because you lack the confidence that you can handle what life is giving you. You get overwhelmed easily being controlled by the belief that you can’t cope with life.
- Sadness: You sometimes feel sad and down about yourself. You can’t see the value in yourself and it makes it hard for you to find happiness and enjoyment in your life.
- Holding back: You are too afraid to speak up when you have something to say during a party with friends, or at a meeting at work. You fear that you will be judged and that what you have to say isn’t important, smart or valuable enough.
- Missed opportunities: You don’t apply for that position someone told you about because you are telling yourself you don’t have what it takes to qualify as a candidate. You don’t approach a guy who has been making eye contact with you and clearly wants to connect with you or make yourself unapproachable. You are too afraid, so holding back is better then taking a chance, turning your life into one missed opportunity after another.
- Sabotage Relationships: You push potential relationships away in fear that it isn’t a mutual feeling. You don’t trust the compliment you just got and counter it with something negative about yourself. When you hear “I love you” you question whether it’s true and why someone would love you.
There was a time when I did all of the above, and I realized that this wasn’t something I could ignore any longer. It was destroying my life and any opportunity that came my way. I believe that having a low self-esteem can truly turn you into your own worst enemy and rob you of real happiness and joy in life.
I encourage you to turn inward and make a commitment to pursue the path of healing, and find your own self love this year. Don’t keep pushing it off, it won’t get better, trust me.
Take this as an opportunity to watch my “7 Proven Steps to Boost and rebuild you Confidence” Masterclass for FREE, and start your transformation TODAY!