After you have made the decision to end your marriage, I strongly recommend dissolving the marriage amicably. Having been through hell myself and seeing how beautiful my current husband’s relationship is with his ex-wife makes me see the value of mediation. Ending a marriage does not mean it needs to end in war!
“The decisions that shape your life should not be left to a court or judge. They should be made by you.”
Mediation is an attempt by a non-biased third party, called a mediator, to bring about an agreement on contested issues. Many people, when faced with the prospect of an impending divorce, think first and foremost of going to trial. The thought of appearing before a judge, however, is for many a terrifying ordeal which only adds trauma to an already stressful situation. Why go through this horrific stressful ordeal, pain and the humiliation of airing your dirty laundry in public while spending outrageous attorney fees?
Mediation can be a comforting substitute for the anxiety and overwhelm of the courthouse. The daunting courtroom is, in mediation, replaced by a more serene environment, thus helping to put your client’s mind at ease.
The Role of the Mediator
As a mediator I cannot and will not make decisions, rather I will assist both parties in reaching an agreement that is to their mutual satisfaction. Unlike judges, mediators often create unique agreements that deviate from the norm because the agreements are tailor-made by the couple to fit their circumstances and desires. The mediator differs from the arbitrator in that the mediator can, and in fact is expected to, meet individually with each side. Hearing what each side truly wants out of the process makes the job as a mediator much simpler and, best of all, everyone benefits.
Mediation Has Positive Effects on Children
The client’s choice to mediate a conflict often has many beneficial effects on any children who may be involved. Mediation is generally less stressful than litigation, allowing for a more peaceful home during the conflict. In addition, children benefit from seeing their parents cooperating, even when they disagree with each other. The cooperation of the parents often leads to more joint custodies being awarded in mediation, benefiting the children with a continued future with both parents. Like many other issues in mediation, parties generally retain more control over their children’s interest and needs than they would if they chose litigation.
Mediation is Cost-Effective
For many clients, the best reason for choosing mediation will be the cost. Mediation will almost always be less expensive than litigation. While both mediation and litigation can involve experts, such as accountants and real estate appraisers, there is only one mediator; as opposed to two attorneys or more were the parties to appear in court. Remember that mediation is concerned with both parties working together, and doing so can dramatically decrease the billable time owed. The cost of divorce mediation is generally 40% – 60% lower than divorce litigation.
In order to assure that mediation is the right decision for the both of you, I set up a complimentary consultation session so you can get clarity on what options are right for your situation. My goal is to make sure that both parties understand the structure of mediation and what they can expect to walk away with. My objective is to avoid couples having to go down a very painful and costly process by dragging each other through the court system. I have been there, it wasn’t pretty and it took a huge toll on my emotional wellbeing and drained my financially. Divorce does NOT have to end in a warzone.
Other Advantages Of Mediation
You Are In Control
- All decisions are made by agreement, not by a judge or other outsider.
- Mediation is a voluntary process, not mandated by a judge.
- Mediation is private and confidential. The couple makes decisions on what is best for their family in the privacy of the mediator’s office.
- You are in charge of discussions & decisions – that’s empowering!
- Mediation aims for a settlement that you both can accept.
- Mediation produces more satisfactory agreements: Research shows that people are more satisfied with mediated agreements.
- Mediation is better for children.
- You learn negotiation skills that you can use later when dealing with post-divorce issues.
- Your mediator guides you sensitively and methodically through the process.
- You always know what is going on.
- Your opinions and feelings are heard and considered in mediation.
- Private and Confidential – Only you, your spouse, and the mediator are in the sessions.
Save Time and Money
- Mediation is cost effective and less expensive overall (no advance retainer fees or deposits)
- You decide how often to meet, so the process can take as much time, or as little time, as you need.
- Mediation is usually a much faster way to get a separation or divorce.
- All sessions are conducted in an informal, safe and comfortable setting. No court sessions are required.
- Mediation is future oriented – there is no harping on the past or blame.
- Mediation promotes cooperation and discussion and discourages arguing.