Let’s be real and face it. When two people get divorced they are usually both, angry, sad and sometimes even bitter. The end or death of a relationship is difficult for both parties and it is to be expected to feel angry.
Anger is a natural emotion and response to triggers, and in some ways even healthy, especially after a divorce. It is a survival mechanism that keeps you moving ahead and helps you endure the challenges. It helps you stay grounded and fuels your energy to what is rightfully yours. As long as you are channeling your emotions into anger, you can’t really feel depressed (since once you are depressed you feel beaten and lose the drive to fight).
The question is when is it time to let go of this anger so you can move on with your life?
While anger is a natural emotion, you will need to learn to manage it as you navigate your divorce so that you can get your life back on track and move on. It will take some time, but the following tips will help get you on the road to recovery.
“Anger is a thief”. If you let it take over control it will rob you of your chance to move on and be the person that you always wanted to be.
You work hard to maintain the things you love. You keep your house nice, clean and cozy, and you may even have homeowner’s insurance. Your beloved valuables and mementos are probably tucked away with the greatest of love and care.
Would you ever leave the door unlocked so a thief can invite themselves into your home and destroy your safe haven?
I am sure the answer is NOWAY!
So, why on earth are you leaving the door to your life and the door to your happiness open, inviting anger in on a daily basis? Just as a thief will break into your home, wreck it, and take away everything that is dear to you, so will anger.
It’s time to lock the door. It is time to protect one of the most precious things that anger will rob you of: your happiness and chance to heal.
Here are some helpful tips to have you deal with your anger:
- Expressive writing
Some people will write an angry letter expressing all the hurt and wrong that was committed towards them, and later burn it. Others will write about their feelings, processes or solutions to a particular situation. Regardless of what style writing you take on, many people find this type of expressive writing or journaling liberating. It allows them to release their stress and let go of negative emotions. Research even shows that expressive writing can help reduce symptoms of depression.
- Meditation or Yoga
The latest most popular stress reliever is meditation. Oprah being one of my favorite influential woman is a huge fan and as she so beautifully says ”It’s a heightened state of being that lets whatever you’re doing be your best life, from moment to astonishing moment”. The world is filled with tension, negativity anger and stress. It is on a constant mission to try and convince you that you are not good enough by keeping you into a negative and sometimes even angry state. Meditation will help you resist that force. My personal favorite outlet is Yoga, which really gets me into the same state of mind as meditation and helps me heal my body and emotions physically. It is a gift I found years ago and am forever grateful.
In addition research confirms that meditation and yoga reduce stress and even enhance one’s ability toward forgiveness and letting go.
- Change your thoughts
The basis of cognitive therapy is that the way you think about an event can shape the emotional response that you have in a given situation. For example, if you perceive a situation as a threat you will have a different emotional and physically response than if you would have viewed the situation as a simple challenge. I remember back in the day when I used to have court hearings with my ex it took me a while to shift my perception from threat to challenge. I was so consumed with fear that it paralyzed me and put me into fight and flight mode.
With the help of my mentor I learned how to perceive things from a different perspecive, giving me back and sense of control over my emotions and responses. Once you understand how your thoughts color your experiences, you can use this information to reduce stress and anger with a process known as cognitive restructuring.
- Change your behavior
The simplest way to set yourself free of the anger and bitterness that consumes you is by starting to make small conscious choices as stress management activities into your life.
- Implement some regular exercise routines
- Meditate a few times a week
- Get yourself a new hobby
- Find distractions when your negative emotions take over or your anger gets ahold of you
- Make sure to surround yourself with positive happy people who will inspire you to live your life to the fullest and help you let go of the past
- Write… write and write some more… I strongly encourage journaling. I find it healing, liberating and a great way to help you let GO!
Don’t hesitate to reach out for support and get a PRIVATE (and free) consultation session with me.
Here is a bonus gift for you, don’t forget to download your free guide on how to avoid the top 10 mistakes you want to avoid during your divorce. http://Divorcehelp1.gr8.com