Breakups can be extremely difficult and have a huge impact on our mental health, specifically our sense of self or our self esteem. If you left a controlling or narcissistic relationship it can be even harder, and feel almost like the withdrawal symptoms of an addiction. As strange as it sounds we get used to the familiar and the absence of it, can at times leave us very lost and confused. (Hence so many women stay stuck in abusive relationships). But if you are one of the courageous ones that was strong enough to leave, you will now find that leaving was not enough. Now you need resources and tools to get back your lost self.
So, I am going to share a couple of things that I did to help myself after my divorce in the hopes that it will help you get back on your feet and well, get you to FALL IN LOVE with you.
- Spoil yourself. I know sounds crazy…. But it’s exactly the reason why you NEED to do it. This is your time, a time of healing and nurturing yourself. A breakup is a time in which you grieve (regardless of who wanted out), and while you grieve you really need to be kind to yourself and help your emotions heal. Treat yourself to a small vacation, massages, lunch with your girlfriend, an awesome new book, a mini make over in your room. Do something that will make you feel re-energized. A couple of years ago after my husbands heart attack and stroke, (which he needed 8 month to recover from) I actually renovated our living room. I needed to create something positive and fun, and as crazy as it sounds to do so during such difficult times, it was the best thing I did.
- Get professional guidance: The first thing I did was get myself a mentor to get the clarity I needed after my divorce. I needed to understand what happened and learn what not to do the next time around. I truly believe it is what got me to the happy place I am in today. Re-married to the love of my life, on solid ground. Lessons learnt, wounds healed, and a ton of awareness.
- Do NOT DATE: One of the biggest mistakes I see people doing is dating right away or too soon. You might feel like you need to assuage your loneliness or boost your self esteem by knowing you have still got it, but trust me it is not the right time. No matter what others tell you about getting back in the “dating game”, please don’t date now You’re too vulnerable, raw and most likely confused. You’re likely to date for the wrong reasons and make poor choices in the partners you pick. Wait a few months, do your inner healing. Learn to love yourself first, and identify red flags you may have overlooked in the past. Truly get crystal clear on what you have learned about yourself and how you show up in relationships.
- Write a letter to your EX. I love this practice and have done this in many situations in my life. The letter is for you, not your ex. Express what transpired, what didn’t work, what your part was, what you learned and what you are grateful for. It is a very therapeutic process that will help you heal and get clarity.
- Fall madly in love with yourself. After a breakup or divorce our self esteem is usually crushed, even when we are able to put on a show. Mostly its just a show. Now is the time to truly get to know and love yourself. Take some time to think and reflect? What do you love and appreciate about yourself? Now grab your journal and write the list clearly. If you have trouble making the list ask a friend. If you are really so shattered that nothing works, please do reach out to a coach or therapist.
Regardless of where you are, and why, I believe in you. I believe that what lies behind you and what lies ahead of you are small matters compared to what lies inside of you.
You are a lot stronger than you think.
You are a lot more resilient. I believe in you.
Don’t let the past control your future. Check out my free Masterclass on the Seven proven ways to help boost and gain back your self-esteem.
First step to getting back to loving YOURSELF!