There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.
It’s absolutely possible to be lonely when you are not alone, and not lonely when you are alone. I can still vividly remember being married to my ex and feeling as lonely as ever felt. Some nights I used to lie right next to him and cry and he had no clue. I couldn’t understand how I could experience such intense loneliness while living and sharing my life with someone. That got me thinking, perhaps being happy without a man is within your reach. Not only that, but being alone for while is actually a good thing. After all, if you can’t stand to be alone with yourself, how can you expect someone else to want to be around you all the time?
Having a man in your life does not necessarily mean you will be happy. I was single for 12 years after my divorce and was really happy. I took the time to really get to know myself well and work on myself. I gave my daughter all the love a mother could give to her child and created lasting memories and a lifetime bond with her. Being alone gives you the time and space you need to discover things about yourself and your life you wouldn’t necessarily be able to figure out in a relationship. You will discover who you really are and what you really want. Take this time to focus on yourself and become your own best friend. Learn to like yourself and embrace yourself as you are. I am not suggesting that you should alienate yourself from the rest of the world and become a hermit, but avoid jumping into another relationship right away that could potentially follow a similar path to the one you just ended. It is important that you take the time to reflect and determine what you want out of a relationship and what really transpired in the one you just ended, in order to avoid a vicious cycle.
So how do you learn to be alone, yet happy? Being alone doesn’t mean that you will feel lonely. If you learn to love and nurture yourself, and actually like yourself you will find that it’s actually quite pleasant to hang out with YOU 😊! Find little things that make you smile and bring you joy. Take yourself on a date. Treat yourself to a hot cappuccino and savor the moment. Treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you. You may not know this, but the way we treat ourselves is how others WILL treat us. It may sound strange, but people will reflect back onto you what you project onto them about yourself. If you talk about yourself in a disrespectful or negative way, people will treat you in that manner. You can actually choose to walk away from someone when they are being disrespectful to you, which will show them that you are worthy or respect and nothing less.
Buy yourself little gifts. Pamper yourself and treat yourself like the princess you are, (it’s what I always tell my daughter “you are a princess”). Treat yourself to a nice hot bubble bath with a glass of wine. Send yourself flowers to add beauty and color to your life. If you have girls at home this will also teach them how to treat themselves and how to expect others to treat them. Think about a woman you admire. Now think about how she carries and treats herself. (For me a particular friend comes to mind, who I really respect and want to emulate). Start paying close attention to how people carry themselves, treat themselves, and refer to themselves. It will teach you a great deal on how to carry yourself in a similar manner.
ALWAYS respect yourself first. You can’t expect others to treat you better than you are treating yourself. One of the habits I discovered about myself is that I constantly put down my food, always saying what is wrong with it and how I messed something up or how someone else makes it better. I realized that indirectly I was putting myself down, creating a lack of self respect for myself. We are often afraid to think of how great we are, because we have been conditioned to think that it sounds self-centered. There is a balance you have to learn between knowing your greatness while staying humble, but do know your greatness. Don’t forget God has put you into this world with talents, gifts and the tools you need to succeed, so you need to know what they are and you need to own them. There is nothing wrong with knowing your self worth and loving yourself, as long as you respect others.
Before I let you go take a moment to make a list of the positive qualities you possess and the things you like about yourself. At first this might be really hard, but in time it will get easier. Find little things, such as your hair, or your teeth. Maybe you feel like you are a great mom, or a great sister. Or you know that you are thoughtful, kind and generous. Whatever your positive qualities might be, write them down. Read them every day, and celebrate all the goodness in YOU and your life, and love that you can do that for yourself.
Don’t hesitate to reach out for support and get a PRIVATE (and free) consultation session with me.
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