Oh, Holy Marriage. . . Has your love for your partner seemed to fade? Do you feel like you no longer connect? Is their built-up resentment, lack of trust or past affairs that you are trying to overcome? If this is “hitting the nail on the head,” don’t lose hope and keep on reading. I promise you that something good could stem from these harder times. Having gone through a divorce myself, and also a happily remarried woman, I can totally relate. Divorce isn’t always the only solution though, or even a solution at all. Every relationship is different and there is no one size fits all approach, but before making a life-changing decision, here are some things to consider and try to rekindle the spark within your relationship.
Little things matter most! Choose to do things like, hold hands, sit close to one another on the couch, cuddle before you go to sleep and look one another in the eye. These little things are exactly what made you two fall in love, or at least part of the reason. When your “love” was new, these are things you wanted to do, and it probably felt like 2nd nature? Why? Because we have an innate ability to want to show the person that we love how we feel. After years of marriage, it’s easy to get into a comfortable state and we mistake that for lack of love. As I write this too, I recall a story I read somewhere (I can’t remember where) of a woman and her husband going through a divorce and her husband wanting to leave her for another woman. Instead of getting mad, she fought back in a way that took more guts than anything. She made him a deal. She said she would go along with the divorce if he gave her just 30 days of “trying” to make things work between the two of them and one other odd request. . . she requested that every night he carry her through the doorway of their room, just like he did on their wedding night. She noted how awkward this was at first, as they hadn’t touched in months or even over a year! She then went on to write about how by day 3, she started to feel something familiar… .sparks! Long story short, the ending of this 30-day challenge ended happily! The two didn’t get divorced and this “lesson in love” brought them closer than ever before!
Say “I Love You” and say it every day, as many times a day as you can and never miss a beat. You can do this verbally, or even by leaving love notes, sending a sweet text to ask your significant other about their day, or just picking up the phone for a quick phone call to say “hi.” Sometimes we forget how important these words are. We figure “Oh, they know I love them. . .” and we stop saying it, we stop showing it and eventually stop feeling it, as does your other half.
Make time for one another. Whether you have a house full of kids, busy work schedules or just don’t prioritize time with one another, I encourage you to purposely set time aside for you to concentrate on one another. Sit down with each other, talk about your day, go out on date nights (while holding hands and saying “I love you” of course). Put away your phones, make the time you share, meaningful.
If I were to add a 4th way to rekindle your marriage, it would be consistency. If you are the spouse that wants things to work out, while you think or feel your other half has no interest whatsoever, consistency is the key! Just like the woman that challenged her husband for 30 days, challenge yourself if you have to! While these tips are in no way guaranteed to save your marriage or failing relationship, I can assure you that there is more evidence of these things working than not.
Remember why you got married, remember your first holiday together this season and re-create it all over again. Give the gift of love and commitment to your marriage that your spouse hasn’t had in a while. Don’t get discouraged if they resist, as this can be common. Instead make sure that you are doing at least one of the three things I shared with you, each and every day. Keep a journal and take a few minutes each day to note the ways in which you expressed your love, how they reacted and how it made you feel. If you have a bad day, have faith that the next day will be better.
If you are truly at the point where you are so stuck and can’t bring yourself to try any of these suggestions because the communication lines broke down completely, perhaps you want to reach out to me for a free relationship analysis breakthrough to discover if there is a glimmer of hope and what that would look like (CLICK HERE).