Social media has been a huge catalyst for change. Some of the changes have been very positive and life-changing, others have been devastating. As you scroll through social media, it’s easy to create perceptions about someone else’s life.  You know the person that shares everything, and takes a snapshot of themselves every single minute, or shares every “glamorous” waking moment of their lives and seems to have their life together? You follow and admire them. You assume they are confident, that they are happy and that they are much more amazing than you are. A part of you envies them and the little voice inside you starts asking why can’t I have that?

What happens from there can result in a snowball effect of self-doubt.  Without realizing it, you start to perceive their life, their beauty, their success, as so much better than yours.  If you have low self-esteem, this only feeds into that negative-self-talk even further! What you fail to realize, is that it’s way easier for people (even with the lowest of self-esteem) to highlight their most proud moments, while in reality, living a miserable, secret life that they hide from “social view.”

This isn’t true for everyone, as there are plenty of successful people out there that highlight a lot of the good, but those same people too, aren’t ashamed to air their most “real” dirty laundry out there, just as much as the good stuff.  Why? Because this resonates with others. Not only do people like to engage with those that are successful and that they admire, but they also like to relate to them. Relating means sharing the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

If you truly want to embrace your deepest self-love, it starts with self-esteem and confidence!  Taking a “selfie” doesn’t prove anything about your confidence. Being real and non-judgemental of yourself and being proud of yourself from the inside out is what matters!  Believe me, I’ve been in your shoes! I was exactly where you are right now. I felt alone, hopeless, sad and completely broken. I too wanted love, acceptance, validation, and happiness just like everyone else, but I felt like I didn’t deserve anything good to ever happen to me. I felt like I wasn’t lovable and worthy of real acceptance and love.

Then came a turning point in my life, where I was tired of being down on myself. I was fed up with how “I” perceived myself. I wanted a life filled with happiness but I knew that in order to attain that I had to look within. I knew happiness will only be found once I learned to love myself and fully embrace who I am.

I went on a journey of self-discovery. I searched for answers. I yearned for meaning. I dug deep. I went all the way back to my childhood, to what I learned, to what I internalized and believed and CHANGED it internally. I set myself free, and my life miraculously turned around.

Are you ready to change your life and unleash your self-esteem? If you want to turn your “selfies” into real self-love and learn to love yourself, I encourage you to work on your self-esteem!  You deserve to feel your heart melt when you can finally look at yourself in the mirror and actually like the reflection you see.

Girl, it’s not about the selfie, it’s about your self-esteem.

Take advantage of this New Year’s Gift and immerse into your self-love mission, click here!

Feel free to reach out for any questions to pearl@pearlflax.com  

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Do the names Tony Robbins, Rachel Hollis, Mel Robbin’s ring a bell?  This day in age, I’m confident you do! Why? Because these are some of the top influencers of mindset.  If you’re not sure exactly what I’m referring to when I mention “mindset,” let me break it down for you.

Dictionary.com describes it in it’s most simple form as being:

  1. an attitude, disposition, or mood.
  2. an intention or inclination.

This definition alone is a far cry of what mindset means when preached by the “experts” (listed above).  When they talk about and teach mindset, they are referring to having an open mindset. In reality, we all have our own mindset, but how strong our mindset is, is what can make a huge difference in our quality of life.  

Some of you might have resolutions this upcoming year to: Be a better boss, parent, spouse, friend . . . the list goes on, but try taking that resolution and working backward.  In order to do any of those things, your mindset is likely required to change a bit. Doing things the same exact way, but wanting other things ends up leaving you disappointed. Why?  Because wanting other outcomes, but using similar actions and the same mindset doesn’t end up changing an outcome at all. The same mindset equals same actions, equals the same outcome. It’s simple math, but also a challenging task.  I’m not at all saying that changing your mindset is easy. If you know my background, you know that I too have struggled with this same. I’m convinced everyone has this kind of struggle at some point, so know that you’re not alone.  

So, what do you do about it?  Make your resolution. Write it down. . . on your planner, on sticky notes, in a journal… .everywhere!  Constantly remind yourself of your “vision.” Believe that you have already accomplished that and play the part.  You know the saying “fake it until you make it”? It’s not a popular quote for no reason, it’s the truth! It’s not just about mind over matter.  It’s about embracing change and having true faith and understanding that everything really does happen for a reason.

So, what’s the number one way to keep your new years resolution?  Practice makes perfect! Just like a diet, if creating a more open mindset is your path, take baby steps every day to make choices that will eventually become your “norm.”

For example, your ex says something nasty to you that really ticks you off.  Your instinct might be to let them have it right back. Instead, try reacting in a way that is more calm and direct, rather than harsh or just as mean as what they might be saying.  This does not make you a pushover! This makes you the bigger person and the one that’s really in charge? Why, because you’re actually the one that has the most control. Let them be the one that acts out and says mean things, then put an end to it by not going back and forth.  

Another person’s perception of you is just that, a perception.  Mindset is all about being confident in yourself and who you are while embracing the chaos that might come your way at times.  I promise you, that the first time you try to react differently to something then you did before, you will feel better. Maybe not right away because you’re so used to the “old” way of reacting, but give it a few hours, or a few days, you will see the positive end result.  

Along with practicing a new mindset, let go of old resentments.  You have to free yourself before you can embrace yourself. By holding onto old animosities, you are limiting your mental expansion and growth.  As you release the tension, a definite weight will come off your heart, and mind, allowing room for more positivity to take up residence.

Whether you’re in a “dark place” right now, or feel like you’re on top of the world, take time to focus on your goals.  Mindset controls all things, and even if your goal isn’t really on “mindset,” I can assure you that mindset is the answer to the success of any goal you have.  Want to eat better? Change your mindset? Want to make more money this year? Change your mindset? Want to be a better parent? A better employee? A better friend?  . . . Changing your mindset is still the required path.

Soul Sister, you got this!!  Make 2019 the best yet!

 

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Oh, Holy Marriage. . . Has your love for your partner seemed to fade?  Do you feel like you no longer connect?  Is their built-up resentment, lack of trust or past affairs that you are trying to overcome? If this is “hitting the nail on the head,” don’t lose hope and keep on reading.  I promise you that something good could stem from these harder times.  Having gone through a divorce myself, and also a happily remarried woman, I can totally relate.  Divorce isn’t always the only solution though, or even a solution at all.  Every relationship is different and there is no one size fits all approach, but before making a life-changing decision, here are some things to consider and try to rekindle the spark within your relationship.

Little things matter most!  Choose to do things like, hold hands, sit close to one another on the couch, cuddle before you go to sleep and look one another in the eye.  These little things are exactly what made you two fall in love, or at least part of the reason.  When your “love” was new, these are things you wanted to do, and it probably felt like 2nd nature?  Why? Because we have an innate ability to want to show the person that we love how we feel.  After years of marriage, it’s easy to get into a comfortable state and we mistake that for lack of love.    As I write this too, I recall a story I read somewhere (I can’t remember where) of a woman and her husband going through a divorce and her husband wanting to leave her for another woman.  Instead of getting mad, she fought back in a way that took more guts than anything.  She made him a deal.  She said she would go along with the divorce if he gave her just 30 days of “trying” to make things work between the two of them and one other odd request. . . she requested that every night he carry her through the doorway of their room, just like he did on their wedding night.  She noted how awkward this was at first, as they hadn’t touched in months or even over a year!  She then went on to write about how by day 3, she started to feel something familiar… .sparks!  Long story short, the ending of this 30-day challenge ended happily!   The two didn’t get divorced and this “lesson in love” brought them closer than ever before!

Say “I Love You” and say it every day, as many times a day as you can and never miss a beat.  You can do this verbally, or even by leaving love notes, sending a sweet text to ask your significant other about their day, or just picking up the phone for a quick phone call to say “hi.”  Sometimes we forget how important these words are.  We figure “Oh, they know I love them. . .” and we stop saying it, we stop showing it and eventually stop feeling it, as does your other half.

Make time for one another.  Whether you have a house full of kids, busy work schedules or just don’t prioritize time with one another, I encourage you to purposely set time aside for you to concentrate on one another.  Sit down with each other, talk about your day, go out on date nights (while holding hands and saying “I love you” of course).  Put away your phones, make the time you share, meaningful.

If I were to add a 4th way to rekindle your marriage, it would be consistency.  If you are the spouse that wants things to work out, while you think or feel your other half has no interest whatsoever, consistency is the key!  Just like the woman that challenged her husband for 30 days, challenge yourself if you have to!  While these tips are in no way guaranteed to save your marriage or failing relationship, I can assure you that there is more evidence of these things working than not.

Remember why you got married, remember your first holiday together this season and re-create it all over again.  Give the gift of love and commitment to your marriage that your spouse hasn’t had in a while.  Don’t get discouraged if they resist, as this can be common.  Instead make sure that you are doing at least one of the three things I shared with you, each and every day.   Keep a journal and take a few minutes each day to note the ways in which you expressed your love, how they reacted and how it made you feel.  If you have a bad day, have faith that the next day will be better.

If you are truly at the point where you are so stuck and can’t bring yourself to try any of these suggestions because the communication lines broke down completely, perhaps you want to reach out to me for a free relationship analysis breakthrough to discover if there is a glimmer of hope and what that would look like (CLICK HERE).

It is not what you are that is holding you back, it is what you think you are not”.

Over time I have come to learn that self-esteem or self-confidence issues have a huge impact on our whole being and life. It is the enemy within that keeps chasing us no matter where we go and has a way to creep up during the worst of times. It is that little voice inside our heads that we can’t seem to quiet down and get rid of.  The year is coming to an end (surreal how time flies),  and it is a perfect time to take inventory of your year and go on an inner awareness journey. How was your year? What do you want to see different in 2019? How has your self-esteem impacted your growth this year? But here is the thing, you don’t have to wait till January 1, 2019, to work on boosting your confidence (or for any resolution for that matter).  I chose to focus on confidence because it controls more than you realize.  Your confidence can be a result of your mindset and vice versa and literally controls every aspect of your life.  Instead of feeling bad about yourself, about something like your weight or a body feature that you aren’t in love with, try letting that ego go, and embracing your full self. Years ago, I used to hang out with a girlfriend of mine who every guy we knew fancied.  I couldn’t fully understand why since she wasn’t particularly attractive. One night I asked one of our guy friends what that’s all about. His reply: “What do you mean?  her confidence is so darn sexy, it’s what men go crazy over”.   That message really stuck with me and gave me a much deeper understanding of attraction.

Remember, beauty comes from within.  The kind of person you are, your personality and your mindset is what matters most.  Confidence is your best accessory!

So, how do you embrace the person that you are and do so with your whole heart?   

  1. Make a choice to love yourself.  You can do this through affirmations.  Take a few minutes out of your day for the next 30 days and read and say affirmations to yourself.  Place affirmations throughout your home or workplace, in your car or even on your phone as a screensaver.  Constant reminders to yourself that you are special, you are beautiful, you are smart, etc. If you want ideas of affirmations feel free to download my 100 FREE affirmations.
  2. Clean up and clean out:  If there are negative people in your life, try as hard as you can to keep your communication with them to a minimum.  One thing that is NOT a confidence booster is someone that is constantly nagging, complaining or always seeing the “worst case scenario.”  Having these types of people in your life can ultimately bring you down and have a negative sapping impact on you. One thing I do to figure out how people impact me is check how I felt before I met or spoke to them and then check how I feel after our little chat or meetup. If my energy dropped and I feel crappy it’s usually a good indication that I need to make changes.
  3. Get out of your Comfort Zone: Change up your hair, your clothes, revamp your style.  Why?  Not because it’s “all about looks,” because that’s not true at all, but because you will feel good!  When you feel good, your confidence will boost naturally.  While getting in shape, or losing weight would do the same thing, it’s best to not depend solely on those things.  Yes, getting in shape can be a long-term goal, but don’t let your confidence totally rely on that.  Start with smaller things that you can contribute to changing more immediately.  What you will likely experience is a boost in confidence, followed by the law of attraction and even more success in long-term goals.

Practicing all three of the “how’s” to boosting your confidence provides you with a promising roadmap to help train yourself to be more confident.  Soon enough the confidence will spread to those around you and become second nature.

Let your brightest self-SHINE in 2019 (and beyond!).

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Jingle Bell, Jungle Bell, jingle all around…. ! It’s that time of the year again. How crazy is that? Feels like this year totally flew by. With all the happiness, lights, celebrations and fun that the Holidays bring they also bring stress. The holidays have always been a combination of beautiful and hard, and are even harder for single parents.  Back in the day when I was divorced, I used to dread holidays, they were the hardest time of the year. You just feel so single, so alone, so misplaced and as happy as I was to be single and divorced, the holidays just weren’t an easy time to navigate.  While I know this time of the year is surely challenging for you if you are that single parent, it is very important to also recognize that the season is very hard for your kids as well.  Finances may be tight, the struggle with the balance of time with your kids during the holidays may be limited, and you may even feel like you need to overcompensate in several ways. That sense of pressure can project onto your children and instead of bringing them joy backfire.

Here is what I want you to know and what I have learned the hard way. The most important thing to your children is your time and love. You do NOT need to spend a ton of money on trips, gifts or God knows what to show them that you love them. And if the other parent is in a competition to buy them off with materialistic things, don’t worry, things never compete with love.

Here are some ideas of ways to make the holidays special and memorable without breaking the bank, preserving your sanity and creating a truly happy home!

Tour Holiday Lights: Where we lived when my daughter was little, there was this awesome cool Italian neighborhood. The houses where decorated magically. Literally like a Christmas wonderland. I used to drive around there every year and just enjoy the beauty and creativity of those homes with my little princess and take lots of pictures. So take a walk or hop in the car.  It doesn’t have to be a formal holiday lights tour, you can likely pick a neighborhood and just cruise around in it like I used to do.  If there are some local holiday light tours, consider checking them out, but if they are more than a few bucks or a donation, take the other route and save money where you can.

Make new Traditions: Traditions are created to be repeated and remembered for years to come. If an old family tradition brings back bad memories or sad memories, offer up a spin on the tradition, or create new ones all together.  This doesn’t have to be something extravagant.  It could be something as simple as a family letter time capsule, creating a new holiday cookie recipe, making up a holiday-themed game, or making a craft together. Be creative and make it yours!

Ornament Exchange: I am no history buff on ornaments, but I know enough to note that ornaments can be very meaningful, and they don’t have to be the expensive ones.  Walk into just about any store these days and you will find them.  Each year, you and your kids could draw names and pick out an ornament for the name drawn.  I assure you that in 5, 10, 20 years from now, that ornament will be worth more to your kids (and you) than you could ever dream.

Story Time: Time with your children is always well spent time. Time without interruptions or technology.  Time to sit down, with your children and read a holiday-inspired book.  Of course, this might only hold the attention of those over the age of 3 or under the age of 12, but if you consistently make this a tradition, age won’t matter, and even when they are in their 20’s they will expect the “story time” and join the snuggle. When I ask my daughter what her best childhood memories where, she always says it was when you made those special quality bonding times, they were simple but so meaningful.

Go visit somewhere, in place of gifts: Things aren’t as important as time together.  A great way to spend the holidays with your kids, and to make it memorable is to create new memories.  Take a short road trip and go visit someplace new.  Experience new things and discover new adventures.  If you live in a place that isn’t too cold this time of year, a holiday camping trip might be fun!  Other options would be to visit places that are in their “offseason.”  Instead of spreading your budget too thin, invest your holiday budget into making new memories, in new places with your kids.  They will forever remember it and the “gift” will outlast any of the “hottest” toys, hands down.

The holidays were never intended to just be about the number of gifts you give or get.  What sticks with us as humans are experiences.  The experiences you share with your kids are priceless and even if they give you grief about not getting everything they “wanted” on their holiday list, keep reminding them that it’s not about gifts, and give them something that they will cherish forever, even if they don’t realize it right away.  Trust me, when they grow older they will remember those times and hold them very dear to their hearts.

If you want 5 other ideas for single parents to make the holiday’s special, I have more!  Click here to access them!

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