There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.

It’s absolutely possible to be lonely when you are not alone, and not lonely when you are alone. I can still vividly remember being married to my ex and feeling as lonely as ever felt. Some nights I used to lie right next to him and cry and he had no clue. I couldn’t understand how I could experience such intense loneliness while living and sharing my life with someone.  That got me thinking, perhaps being happy without a man is within your reach.  Not only that, but being alone for while is actually a good thing.  After all, if you can’t stand to be alone with yourself, how can you expect someone else to want to be around you all the time?

Having a man in your life does not necessarily mean you will be happy. I was single for 12 years after my divorce and was really happy. I took the time to really get to know myself well and work on myself. I gave my daughter all the love a mother could give to her child and created lasting memories and a lifetime bond with her.  Being alone gives you the time and space you need to discover things about yourself and your life you wouldn’t necessarily be able to figure out in a relationship.  You will discover who you really are and what you really want. Take this time to focus on yourself and become your own best friend. Learn to like yourself and embrace yourself as you are.  I am not suggesting that you should alienate yourself from the rest of the world and become a hermit, but avoid jumping into another relationship right away that could potentially follow a similar path to the one you just ended. It is important that you take the time to reflect and determine what you want out of a relationship and what really transpired in the one you just ended, in order to avoid a vicious cycle.

So how do you learn to be alone, yet happy? Being alone doesn’t mean that you will feel lonely. If you learn to love and nurture yourself, and actually like yourself you will find that it’s actually quite pleasant to hang out with YOU 😊!  Find little things that make you smile and bring you joy. Take yourself on a date. Treat yourself to a hot cappuccino and savor the moment. Treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you. You may not know this, but the way we treat ourselves is how others WILL treat us. It may sound strange, but people will reflect back onto you what you project onto them about yourself.  If you talk about yourself in a disrespectful or negative  way, people will treat you in that manner.  You can actually choose to walk away from someone when they are being disrespectful to you, which will show them that you are worthy or respect and nothing less.

Buy yourself little gifts. Pamper yourself and treat yourself like the princess you are, (it’s what I always tell my daughter “you are a princess”). Treat yourself to a nice hot bubble bath with a glass of wine. Send yourself flowers to add beauty and color to your life. If you have girls at home this will also teach them how to treat themselves and how to expect others to treat them.  Think about a woman you admire. Now think about how she carries and treats herself. (For me a particular friend comes to mind, who I really respect and want to emulate). Start paying close attention to how people carry themselves, treat themselves, and refer to themselves. It will teach you a great deal on how to carry yourself in a similar manner.

ALWAYS respect yourself first. You can’t expect others to treat you better than you are treating yourself. One of the habits I discovered about myself is that I constantly put down my food, always saying what is wrong with it and how I messed something up or how someone else makes it better. I realized that indirectly I was putting myself down, creating a lack of self respect for myself.   We are often afraid to think of how great we are, because we have been conditioned to think that it sounds self-centered. There is a balance you have to learn between knowing your greatness while staying humble, but do know your greatness. Don’t forget God has put you into this world with talents, gifts and the tools you need to succeed, so you need to know what they are and you need to own them. There is nothing wrong with knowing your self worth and loving yourself, as long as you respect others.

Before I let you go take a moment to make a list of the positive qualities you possess and the things you like about yourself. At first this might be really hard, but in time it will get easier. Find little things, such as your hair, or your teeth. Maybe you feel like you are a great mom, or a great sister. Or you know that you are thoughtful, kind and generous.  Whatever your positive qualities might be, write them down. Read them every day, and celebrate all the goodness in YOU and your life, and love that you can do that for yourself.

Don’t hesitate to reach out for support and get a PRIVATE (and free) consultation session with me.

Here is a bonus gift for you, don’t forget to download your free guide on how to avoid the top 10 mistakes you want to avoid during your divorce.

Let’s be real and face it. When two people get divorced they are usually both, angry, sad and sometimes even bitter.  The end or death of a relationship is difficult for both parties and it is to be expected to feel angry.

Anger is a natural emotion and response to triggers, and in some ways even healthy, especially after a divorce. It is a survival mechanism that keeps you moving ahead and helps you endure the challenges. It helps you stay grounded and fuels your energy to what is rightfully yours. As long as you are channeling your emotions into anger, you can’t really feel depressed (since once you are depressed you feel beaten and lose the drive to fight).

The question is when is it time to let go of this anger so you can move on with your life?

While anger is a natural emotion, you will need to learn to manage it as you navigate your divorce so that you can get your life back on track and move on. It will take some time, but the following tips will help get you on the road to recovery.

“Anger is a thief”. If you let it take over control it will rob you of your chance to move on and be the person that you always wanted to be.

You work hard to maintain the things you love. You keep your house nice, clean and cozy, and you may even have homeowner’s insurance. Your beloved valuables and mementos are probably tucked away with the greatest of love and care.

Would you ever leave the door unlocked so a thief can invite themselves into your home and destroy your safe haven?

I am sure the answer is NOWAY!

So, why on earth are you leaving the door to your life and the door to your happiness open, inviting anger in on a daily basis? Just as a thief will break into your home, wreck it, and take away everything that is dear to you, so will anger.

It’s time to lock the door. It is time to protect one of the most precious things that anger will rob you of: your happiness and chance to heal.

Here are some helpful tips to have you deal with your anger:

  • Expressive writing

Some people will write an angry letter expressing all the hurt and wrong that was committed towards them, and later burn it.  Others will write about their feelings, processes or solutions to a particular situation. Regardless of what style writing you take on, many people find this type of expressive writing or journaling liberating. It allows them to release their stress and let go of negative emotions. Research even shows that expressive writing can help reduce symptoms of depression.

  • Meditation or Yoga

The latest most popular stress reliever is meditation.  Oprah being one of my favorite influential woman is a huge fan and as she so beautifully says ”It’s a heightened state of being that lets whatever you’re doing be your best life, from moment to astonishing moment”.  The world is filled with tension, negativity anger and stress. It is on a constant mission to try and convince you that you are not good enough by keeping you into a negative and sometimes even angry state.  Meditation will help you resist that force. My personal favorite outlet is Yoga, which really gets me into the same state of mind as meditation and helps me heal my body and emotions physically. It is a gift I found years ago and am forever grateful.

In addition research confirms that meditation and yoga reduce stress and even enhance one’s ability toward forgiveness and letting go.

  • Change your thoughts

The basis of cognitive therapy is that the way you think about an event can shape the emotional response that you have in a given situation.  For example, if you perceive a situation as a threat you will have a different emotional and physically response than if you would have viewed the situation as a simple challenge. I remember back in the day when I used to have court hearings with my ex it took me a while to shift my perception from threat to challenge. I was so consumed with fear that it paralyzed me and put me into fight and flight mode.

With the help of my mentor I learned how to perceive things from a different perspecive, giving me back and sense of control over my emotions and responses. Once you understand how your thoughts color your experiences, you can use this information to reduce stress and anger with a process known as cognitive restructuring.

  • Change your behavior

The simplest way to set yourself free of the anger and bitterness that consumes you is by starting to make small conscious choices as stress management activities into your life.

  • Implement some regular exercise routines
  • Meditate a few times a week
  • Get yourself a new hobby
  • Find distractions when your negative emotions take over or your anger gets ahold of you
  • Make sure to surround yourself with positive happy people who will inspire you to live your life to the fullest and help you let go of the past
  • Write… write and write some more… I strongly encourage journaling. I find it healing, liberating and a great way to help you let GO!

Don’t hesitate to reach out for support and get a PRIVATE (and free) consultation session with me.

Here is a bonus gift for you, don’t forget to download your free guide on how to avoid the top 10 mistakes you want to avoid during your divorce.