With the holidays behind us and the New Year starting you might feel some renewal of energy and hope. New Year’s bring new opportunities and new beginnings. You have been struggling and feeling confused for months or maybe even years now in your marriage and feel completely overwhelmed and sapped out of energy. Deep down you know that your life was meant to have more meaning, satisfaction and love, you just don’t know how to get to it.
Before the holidays you were contemplating to tell your husband that you have reached the end of the road and feel like something has to change, and in a big way. Then you decided that you can’t do this to your children and family and pushed it off till after the holidays. Now that the new year is starting you are hesitating and don’t really know how to approach this. You might have made a resolution to yourself to make this year better and change things, but like many resolutions we don’t know how to make them happen, especially when they demand a big commitment or change.
I am here to tell you that you CAN change things and find a way to live your life fully and with happiness.
So here are 5 tips on how to make the change you need in your relationship now:
- STOP procrastinating
Chances are that your marriage has been shaky for a while now and that things have just been getting worse. Maybe you didn’t do anything about it because you had some good days here and there and thought that things will fall into place somehow. Here is the reality, things don’t change unless you DO SOMETHING about them. You don’t magically lose weight unless you actually follow a diet and change your lifestyle. If things have been challenging to the point where you feel sad,lonely and overwhelmed in your marriage the chances are they will stay this way and probably get worse. So make a commitment NOW that you are NO longer going to procrastinate seeking the change you are looking for.
2. Get Clear
Make a list of Pros and Cons in your marriage, what working on it would look like, and what ending it would look like. Write it down. As a relationship and divorce coach I advise my clients to make an extensive list that goes into great detail. It will provide you with clarity and help you make rational decisions rather than a knee-jerk emotional reaction to something that your spouse may have said or done (or not done). It is a way for you to be really honest with yourself and help you explore the underlying reasons for your decision and answer the most important question of all: “Should I stay or should I leave?”. Whatever the answer is, it should be so convincing to you that it will remove all doubt and help you take the next step needed to follow through with your decision. If it means that your decision is that you don’t feel you have tried enough, or found the right relationship coach or counselor your next step is to find someone you trust and connect with and feel they can help you. They might not be able to save your marriage but it will give you the comfort of knowing you have done everything in your power and have given this a fair chance. They will also help you gain clarity and understanding why this marriage could or couldn’t work. If you feel you have done everything you could and think that divorce is the right decision for you this list will help you better identify your worries and fears, which you will have to address if your plan to go through with your divorce.
3. Educate yourself
Before you set out to go through with the divorce process make sure to educate yourself. Don’t use this as an excuse to procrastinate and get yourself stuck again, but do use the luxury of free internet access and resources that can help you better understand the process and issues you will be facing during this journey. It will help you better understand what to expect and what to ask as you seek guidance from professionals whom you will have to engage with or hire. Be careful however, because there is a lot of information out there, don’t let it overwhelm you don’t set out to become an expert on divorce. The purpose to educate yourself is to be better prepared but not to overwhelm you.
4. Seek Professional help
What I mean is a third party! Not a family member or friend. They mean well but are too emotionally connected to you to have a real clear perspective and are not trained in the ins and outs that pertain to divorce. Find someone who can guide you on how to have the preliminary conversation with your spouse about trying one last resource to work on your marriage or ending your relationship. As a relationship & divorce empowerment coach and mediator I enable the spouse who initiated pursuing change or divorce to stand clear in their decision and maintain a civil calm approach no matter what. It is always best to take the high road and try and resolve issue peacefully and if must be dissolve the marriage in a civil manner. War always results in fatalities, so chose peace even when your heart is filled with anger and resentment.
5. Break the news
As humans we usually avoid having difficult conversations with people. I am sure you may have had many conversations over the course of your marriage that should have been had, but you wiggled your way out of it. Maybe it was about finances, or maybe it was about responsibilities, or intimacy, whatever they were you just couldn’t bring yourself to bring them up to your spouse. You probably kept things bottled up inside and whatever was hurting, or upsetting you just got worse. With your new year’s resolution make a commitment to yourself that you will not push off this conversation. If you feel that you want to try and pursue relationship counseling or coaching plan a time to sit down with your spouse and express how you feel calmly and openly. Tell him/her how important it is for you to seek guidance so you can both find the right path for yourselves. Now is the time! Just do it.
Take this opportunity to reach out for a FREE confidential Unleash your Power and Clarity session and start the year off RIGHT. Book your appointment here.
Here is a bonus gift for you, don’t forget to download your free guide on how to avoid the top 10 mistakes you want to avoid during your divorce. http://Divorcehelp1.gr8.com